Anxiety and a Cool God Story

It was a bit strange settling back into reality after getting back from NC.  I didn't have much of a chance to relax as Sunday was busy and then I started work again Monday (though I missed Wesley so much I was glad to be back to it).  


Whether out of necessity or out of excitement to get started, I jumped right into support raising.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any anxiety about the idea of calling someone up to set a meeting with them.  For starters, the phone and I are not friends.  I always feel super awkward and trip over my words.  But what I've come to find is that sometimes that anxiety is a good thing.  Because I have no choice but to turn it over to God and to depend on Him.  It's not my excellent phone skills or smooth way with words that makes a person want to meet with me, it's God working in their heart.  The anxiety sends me to God, reminding me that He is in charge, not me. 


In fact, one of the sweetest times I've ever spent in the Word was the week after Easter this year.  I'd committed to UWM and had been offered the position of 4th grade teacher and I had finished my application.  All there was left to do was wait for things to fall into place.  I'd been so blessed with a peace about everything and then all of a sudden, out of no where, I was filled with anxiety.    And it was all the time.  I was uncomfortable and I couldn't eat or sleep.  I tried to ignore it for a while, but that didn't work.  I quickly discovered that the only time I didn't feel this crippling anxiety was when I was praying or when I was in the Word.  And so that's what I did - every spare moment I spent in prayer or reading the Bible.  Once God removed my anxiety, I remember thinking what a blessing it was because it drove me straight to God and that as much as I hated feeling that way, I would gladly feel it every day if it meant that I thirsted for God all the time like I did that week.


Shifting gears really quickly, I want to share with you a really cool moment from last week.  Wednesday, I'm making my calls and I'd finished them for the day so I'm feeling pretty good (or relieved...same thing really) and I look at the list I'd made to decide who to call the next day.  I see my dad's pastor's name who I wasn't planning on calling until this week.  And I start to feel the Holy Spirit prodding me to call him.  For apparent reasons, I didn't want to do this but decided to obey.  The worst that could happen is that it goes to voicemail.  So, I look up the number and dial expecting to get a secretary or machine.  Dad's pastor picks up.  As I talk to him, he tells me that he picks up that phone once every few months but today he just happened to be walking by and answered.  We set up a meeting for the next day and I got to meet with him, his wife, and a friend who works on staff at the church.  What a blessing!  Even if no one commits to supporting me, it was still cool to get to share my story with them and to catch up a bit and especially to see God working even in the small things.


God is awesome, you guys.


If I come away with nothing else from this whole experience, I will have seen God working in really cool ways, being faithful to answer prayers, and an increased awe at who He is and how He works.


There are so many cool things happening right now that I could go on and on forever (but I won't).  My roommate is back in the US so I'll likely talk to her soon, she sent me pictures of some of my students (!!!!!!!!), I leave for TCK-PFO (Third Culture Kid Pre-Field Orientation) Saturday, family in town this week, getting to meet with and talk to people I love, etc., etc.


Love you guys!